Disclaimer: “This craigslist advertisement is not for everyone. It is not for people who cry and complain about our advertising techniques. If this advertisement offends you, go to another craigslist advertisement or go to hell. The rest of you please read on…
Only if you are not currently working, ask yourself these simple questions. Did you ignore our ad the first time because you wanted more money and your still without a job? This does not mean you are an idiot for not taking the job the first time we offered it, but you could have made some money.
Have you lost your way? Did you used to be a security professional but got fired over some dumb shit and now nobody wants you? DO you feel some other S.O.B should be paying for it?
Unable to pass background check?
Unable to pass a random drug screen?
Are you too stupid to piss in a cup without your shit turning purple?
Were you too dumbfounded to show up for the hours your employer was paying you for?
Don’t have a valid Motor Vehicle license because of some idiotic act of with an alcohol bottle or caught smoking that dumb stinking shit because you want others to know your brain dead or stupid Oops, I meant to say “cool”
Can't be trusted working alone because you stolr from your last job or pleaded guilty to some “Malarkey” someone else committed? You brought this shit on yourself, but you could be a trained as professional once again. With the respect you deserve.
We are currently seeking 28 individuals who feel they deserve a second chance I mean 2nd, 3rd or 4th time around chance Any Who, they must have a loud clear voice, be able to confront others who are hostile in nature while keeping their cool. We are looking for special people we can teach to become “empowered” when others make derogatory statements or are extremely rude. Absolutely "NO Cry-Babies…" We are not hiring anyone who says, “I am not afraid of anyone” but is constantly talking crap about “it’s not safe at this work site”. If so, don’t apply for this job. There are no cowards on our staff.
This job is not for people who can't take a little name calling or shortage of personal space.
We are not looking for people who are currently living the good life with some great government job. This job is for the people that didn't make the cut or got fired over some dumb shit. You know, it’s just a little something to do until you find your dream job.
Our jobs will include report writing, observation and assessment of liability prevention, light patrols, the respect for others who didn't get hurt before the yelling begins and the practice of a little thing we call, “common sense”.
By the way, this job will require 8 hours of training with our staff before you can begin. And NO! We will not pay you for this training time but will guarantee a job when finished. After that it will be up to you to keep the job for as long as you choose.
We will probably fire you eventually because most people are just not cut out to work in this field where people don’t respect a uniformed presence in a diversified location
And of course, you are not going to make top pay as a reject Guard. It helps to think of this as ” just something to do until you find your dream job”. If you want to make big money in security, do it someplace else, not here. But if you truly need work and you cant get hired, we will hire you. Come in and train one night for 8 hours and go to work ASAP guaranteed!
It is a requirement to travel to any location site we send you. We will not hire lazy people.
Your own personal Transportation is required. A working cell phone is also required for this job. If you can't text on a phone, you won't work for us. If your cell phone will not work without connecting to some else's WIFI, we will not hire you. If you can’t travel between 45 minutes to an hours and 15 minutes without your mommy dropping you off, do not apply for this job.
We will not hire anyone who does not have a valid social security card. Not interested in B.S stories about how you were born with two social’s or can’t find this card that’s been in your life all these years but now you possess a photo copy on your cell phone. We will not hire anyone who claims they were born in a country that is not even on a legitimate map.
We are currently hiring people to join our emergency response department. When an officer accepts an assignment, they cannot cancel this assignment without 4 days' notice.
Apply today and work your first assignment ASAP.
Serious hours, and please No people talking shit about old medical problems and can't do a lot of walking or standing. Or people with cars that can travel the distance. Absolutely no worthless crybabies please. Apply some damn where else. All we ask for in return for the job is 4 days' notice when you wish to leave.
Send a text message if your think you might be a good fit. And by the way, nobody will be starting at $15 an hour. You can make that salary somewhere else.
Apply only if you seriously want to work ASAP. Tonight, tomorrow, not next week, next month, etc.
