Q. What do you call a nun who just passed the bar exam?
A. A sister-in-law.
I'm a lawyer in Albuquerque and I'm lookin' for a great legal assistant to join my team.
Yes. I could have written another one of those stupid "Legal Assistant Wanted" ads you've probably seen and laughed at dozens of times already, but that's not how I roll. A dull, boring ad gets dull, boring candidates. That's not who I'm looking for. I'm looking for someone with ambition; someone who wants to learn. I'm looking for someone with a strong work ethic, who can follow instructions (and eventually give them). Someone very organized. I'm looking for someone who wants to join a growing team and help us grow even more. Are you that someone? If so, keep reading.
"What kind of work will I be doing," you ask? Great question. You'll be responsible for helping me keep the office organized and our clients informed by communicating with clients and other lawyers, filing, copying, scanning, scheduling appointments, drafting letters, collecting and sorting medical records, building trial notebooks, etc.
"What are the hours" and "How much does it pay," you're probably wondering. More great questions, but the answers are top secret. So I'll save that for the job offer. However, if you have a salary you are looking for, let me know. If you only want to work part-time, let me know, I may have an opening.
If you're interested in the gig, follow these very simple instructions to apply. Don't follow these instructions, however, and I'll simply delete your submission and save everyone time and aggravation. Sounds harsh! I know. But if you can't follow these simple instructions now, how can I trust you to follow simple instructions and do the job right later?
TO APPLY:
Respond by email to this ad.
In the Subject line of your e-mail, tell me your favorite Italian meal by typing "My favorite Italian meal is" and include your favorite meal. What does this have to do with the job? Absolutely nothing, but I love Italian food (believe it or not, pizza is my favorite), and this ridiculousness shows me you read this entire post and can follow simple instructions.
Give me 3 sentences on why you want the job. Word to the wise don't waste with one of those sentences with "Hi, my name is . . . ." Your name doesn't tell me why you want the job, and now you have only 2 sentences left. And please, for the love of all that is holy, don't tell me why you're perfect for the job. Perfection scares me. I prefer imperfection.
In 4 sentences, tell me what your mission statement is. My mission is to assist individuals hurt by the negligence of others achieve justice.
Tell me how much you'd like to be paid. Will I actually pay you this? Maybe, maybe not. Ask for too much, and you don't know the market. Ask for too little, and you don't know your worth.
Attach your resume to the e-mail so I can see what you've done during the past few years. I don't care if you salted peanuts at the circus or piloted a space shuttle to the moon. I just want to see where you've worked, how long you worked there, and what you did. (Another word to the wise, I am not interested in job jumpers – those people who are at a job less than a year before taking another job.)
Sign your name (I know it is digital) and include your telephone number directly beneath it.
